horrible me

today was just HORRIBLE. i think it's the after effects of... sigh.serious moodswings today. from the moment i woke up, i was already moodswinging.. i was just feeling super lousy the whole day. plus things that happened made me moodswing even more. i couldn't control my temper AT ALL. im serious. someone can just come talk to me nicely and i'll reply them by raising my voice, as if they did something bad to me. many horrible things happened...

• church, my mother wanted to find a seat where its not so cold (she did nothing wrong anyway) and she found one. i just had to say " please loh, the aircon is like facing here.. " i got pissed. and i don't know why.
• after church, we've plan to go to terminal 3. and for no stupid reason. i got pissed and went(rasied my voice) " why must we go terminal 3 la. never see planes before is it. " surprisingly, my mother didnt get angry. instead, she gave in to me..
• and she keep on pressing me to go to work. and i shouted at her really loudly in the public.. crazy.
• met up with my aunty and headed to terminal 3 by bus... we took bus 19 which is suppose to go to the CHANGI AIRPORT and landed up in CHANGI VILLAGE not the airport.. i got blamed.. the stupid bus interchange stated that bus 19 goes to the airport.. i got pissed and said " you should have just the train la.. waste so much time "
• lunch. wanted to eat sunway my sis didnt want to and i got pissed (?)
• after lunch. had to take another bus to another palce so that we can REACH the stupid terminal 3. alighted at some ulu pandan place. and had to wait for another bus. the weather was so feaking HOT.. and ya i got pissed. i said " we should have taken the train......... " this time i was really erm, crazy?
• at terminal 3 i was still quite moodswinging. OH, i raised my voice at my mother for some stupid small small small thing.... i was CRAZY
• we bus to tampines mall after that. i was ok on the bus. (:
• at tm, popular. yup, i got crazy.. i dont know la! got crazy over small things too
• just now. my sister asked me to change the fishs' water i shouted at her.. crazy
• now. the money i earn fucking cannot be used... itd going into the fucking bank... and i will only be able to TOUCH that fucking account when im 18 years old.... see, im crazy. sorry for the language used.
• so conclusion, today i wasn't myself at all. i've never seen this side of myself. im serious. i was just crazy... i tried controling my temper but i really couldn't, i just exploded.
• im sorry to all victims of cynthia's devilish/evil/crazy/stupid side

dear god, please help me. im losing myself.. there's something wrong with me today.. im really feeling dam lousy.. now maybe my friends will hate me.. im so screwed. i hope i'll be okay (back to normal) tomorrow... maybe because its sunday too? im really feeling very very lousy right now....... i feel like.... i dont know....

friends who im suppose to go out with tmr, im really sorry.. i know you all probably wont forgive me. but im really really sorry.. sorry..

TERMINAL THREE
i made her do this